just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
