Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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