Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
