I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
