just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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