just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize