hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
