I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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