it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
