just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
