It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
