So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
