Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize