Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
