Ketchup is God's man juice
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
