His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
