Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
