I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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