I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
