My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
