I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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