I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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