Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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