whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
