Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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