A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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