Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
