In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
