Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize