i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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