Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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