What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Randomize
