We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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