i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
