Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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