My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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