They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
