how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
