But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
