I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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