I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
