he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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