Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
