I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
