The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize