here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize