My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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