You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
