I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
