I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
