Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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