You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
