The maid of honor just puked.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
