she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
