all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
