Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
