Where is the hickey?
oh god the rape fog is back!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
