all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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