When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
