3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
