Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
