omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
