Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
