We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
