There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
