He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
