We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
