bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
