the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
