Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
