i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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