my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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