I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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