This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
