You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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