Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
