I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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