we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
