Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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