Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize