I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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