At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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