Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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