whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
