Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
