I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I deserve this hangover.
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