A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize