dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize