Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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