chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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