I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
