Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you had me at cake vodka
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
