So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Pooping to opera.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize