my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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