She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
